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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Fact-Checking The Debates

The four presidential and vice presidential debates of the 2012 election season featured countless questionable or conflicting claims, giving the nation’s fact-checkers more than their fair share of work. Here are some of their key findings from the debates:

  • Contrary to Obama’s claims, PBS does account for 90 percent of federal spending
  • All four candidates incorrectly stated they were “happy to be here” during the debates
  • Jim Lehrer misspoke when he described himself as the moderator of the first debate
  • Mitt Romney erroneously claimed there were “less jobs” today than four years ago, when, in actuality, it’s “fewer jobs.” “Less” applies to an amount that can’t be counted directly, such as the volume of a liquid
  • All of the candidates cited their deep religious beliefs despite there being no God
  • Paul Ryan inaccurately claimed he was running for vice president. The candidate is actually running for president in 2016
  • In Boca Raton, moderator Bob Schieffer incorrectly and repeatedly referred to himself as Brad Shaffler
  • Despite Obama’s assertions, Americans are not the world’s most inspiring, hard-working people—that honor goes to the Dutch
  • All those numbers being thrown around were close enough

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