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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Failed ESPN Shows

For every Around The Horn, ESPN has produced a Stump The Schwab. Some other properties from the Worldwide Leader that never made the cut:

  • Engolfed: Scott Van Pelt immerses viewers in the week's latest golf news while buried neck-deep in a bunker
  • Three-Point Land: A kid's show that takes place in the mystical land "beyond the arc," starring Jared Dudley and Mo Williams
  • E:720: A panel of reporters dig so deep into their stories, they realize it's all just a game and none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things
  • Jim Rome's Burning Sensation: As in other incarnations of his programs, the often controversial and hard-to-watch host winces in pain and lets out a series of guttural sounds while clutching his crotch
  • Fists In Focus: Prominent boxers discuss their favorite techniques for tightly closing their hands and give punching demonstrations by pounding the shit out of the studio audience
  • The Bronx Is Fine: An eight-part miniseries in which the 1996 Yankees don't really have to overcome much to win the World Series and America is doing well—really well, actually

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