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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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Famous Flops In Sports

Faking outrage or egregious injury in order to draw a penalty, once the purview of soccer players, is becoming more and more common across all sports these days.

  • From 2007 to 2010 Tony Romo faked five injuries, forcing the Cowboys to block WebMD on all Cowboys franchise computers
  • Alex Rodriguez helps the Yankees win the 2009 World Series by drawing a controversial charging call on Chase Utley
  • Before his 1997 title fight against Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield placed a 500,000-to-1 proposition bet that his ear would be chewed off, and then cut off his upper right lobe when nobody was looking and planted it in Tyson's mouth with a brutal left hook
  • Manu Ginobili misses almost 40 regular season games and the entirety of the 2009 playoffs nursing a fake ankle injury sustained during a particularly violent flop
  • Kyle Busch is often criticized by NASCAR fans and analysts alike for trying to draw yellow flags by pretending to spin out, take out four other cars, hit the wall, and explode
  • Kings center Vlade Divac shamefully cost his team the 2002 Western Conference Finals by repeatedly flopping even though the NBA had set a very clear and strict no-fouls-called-on-the-Lakers policy for the series
  • Shaquille O'Neal would often reverse-flop out of genuine fouls to avoid shooting free throws

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