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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Famous Flops In Sports

Faking outrage or egregious injury in order to draw a penalty, once the purview of soccer players, is becoming more and more common across all sports these days.

  • From 2007 to 2010 Tony Romo faked five injuries, forcing the Cowboys to block WebMD on all Cowboys franchise computers
  • Alex Rodriguez helps the Yankees win the 2009 World Series by drawing a controversial charging call on Chase Utley
  • Before his 1997 title fight against Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield placed a 500,000-to-1 proposition bet that his ear would be chewed off, and then cut off his upper right lobe when nobody was looking and planted it in Tyson's mouth with a brutal left hook
  • Manu Ginobili misses almost 40 regular season games and the entirety of the 2009 playoffs nursing a fake ankle injury sustained during a particularly violent flop
  • Kyle Busch is often criticized by NASCAR fans and analysts alike for trying to draw yellow flags by pretending to spin out, take out four other cars, hit the wall, and explode
  • Kings center Vlade Divac shamefully cost his team the 2002 Western Conference Finals by repeatedly flopping even though the NBA had set a very clear and strict no-fouls-called-on-the-Lakers policy for the series
  • Shaquille O'Neal would often reverse-flop out of genuine fouls to avoid shooting free throws

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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