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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Famous Sports Superstitions

In addition to rigorous training and natural talent, top athletes have often credited their success to following pet rituals or superstitions. Onion Sports catalogs some of the most notable:

Cal Ripken Jr.: As his consecutive-games streak approached Gehrig's, Ripken Jr. got into the routine of walking slowly down the clubhouse corridor while screaming, "Cal Ripken coming through, move aside, nobody touch me!"

Roger Federer: Locks himself in a bathroom the day before each match and screams at himself for hours

Vladimir Guerrero: Saying that it is the only time he gets hits, Guerrero's personal superstition is swinging at every pitch thrown to him

Shawn Green: For reasons no one can understand, before every Friday night game, Green breaks bread and drinks a sip of wine while chanting in gibberish

Dick Butkus: Elaborate pre-game taping ritual involved having his left wrist taped, then his right ankle, then his right wrist and left ankle, then his torso, then the rest of his body; after 20 minutes, the trainer would cut him free of his cocoon, and Butkus felt free to take the field as a beautiful butterfly

Tiger Woods: Carefully wakes up, arrives at the course on time

Deion Sanders: During stoppages of play, football and baseball player Deion Sanders would chant his lucky mantra, "I'm Deion Sanders! I'm Deion Sanders!" until the game or season resumed

Lance Armstrong: After recovering from cancer and winning his first Tour de France, Armstrong always surgically removed one testicle before each of his subsequent six Tours de France

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