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Vol 43 Issue 50

Sources: George Clooney Looking Good

HOLLYWOOD—Clooney, whose steely gaze has captivated millions around the globe, has attained the highest possible scores in every known measure of attractiveness.

Ike Turner Dead

Rock and roll pioneer Ike Turner died on Wednesday at 76. What do you think?

LeBron James

Onion Sports turns its critical eye on the NBA's freakishly talented manchild.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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