adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Fantasy Baseball Busts And Sleepers

Given the phenomenal popularity of fantasy baseball, Onion Sports editors have picked out some of the best bargains and potential busts in this year's draft:

BUSTS:

Albert Pujols: Expect a huge regression this year, with Pujols putting up a .322 average, a dismal 47 home runs, and a paltry 136 RBIs

Hanley Ramirez: Though he's the reigning NL Rookie of the Year, he has been politely asked by MLB to do poorly this season, as there are already two great players named Ramirez and that's confusing enough for fans as it is

Ryan Howard: Many are predicting another 50-homer season from this Phillies slugger, but if you draft him, he'll probably get injured or forget how to hit just like all the players you picked last year

Mark Prior: Now that he's finally back and healthy, look for this Cubs phenom to win 20 games, post 250-plus strikeouts, and—wait, he just broke his arm waterskiing nine minutes ago

SLEEPERS:

Randy Johnson: Could be a monster year for Johnson, especially with the Diamondbacks ace scheduled to pitch 162 games

Gary Sheffield: As the Tigers' new DH, Sheffield now only has to half-ass one job

Barry Bonds: You want to win, right? Nobody has proven anything, so it's not cheating if you pick him. Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get to that next level

Robin Yount: Trust us on this one

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close