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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Fantasy Baseball Busts And Sleepers

Given the phenomenal popularity of fantasy baseball, Onion Sports editors have picked out some of the best bargains and potential busts in this year's draft:

BUSTS:

Albert Pujols: Expect a huge regression this year, with Pujols putting up a .322 average, a dismal 47 home runs, and a paltry 136 RBIs

Hanley Ramirez: Though he's the reigning NL Rookie of the Year, he has been politely asked by MLB to do poorly this season, as there are already two great players named Ramirez and that's confusing enough for fans as it is

Ryan Howard: Many are predicting another 50-homer season from this Phillies slugger, but if you draft him, he'll probably get injured or forget how to hit just like all the players you picked last year

Mark Prior: Now that he's finally back and healthy, look for this Cubs phenom to win 20 games, post 250-plus strikeouts, and—wait, he just broke his arm waterskiing nine minutes ago

SLEEPERS:

Randy Johnson: Could be a monster year for Johnson, especially with the Diamondbacks ace scheduled to pitch 162 games

Gary Sheffield: As the Tigers' new DH, Sheffield now only has to half-ass one job

Barry Bonds: You want to win, right? Nobody has proven anything, so it's not cheating if you pick him. Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get to that next level

Robin Yount: Trust us on this one

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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