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Entertainment

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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FCC Eyeing Cable Regulation

The Federal Communications Commission will vote on placing a number of restrictions and regulations on the unregulated cable industry. Here are some of the proposed changes.

All shows claiming to be "the next Sopranos" must submit a proposed series ending before airing pilot

No more than three crawls on screen at the same time

Product placement only allowed if characters would really, really enjoy the brand

Shopping networks can no longer allow customers to buy merchandise shirtless

Add "HBO: Tom Hanks" to list of available HBO channels

The Hallmark Channel and Spike TV must be bundled in the same package to cancel each other out

Weather Channel limited to five F-words per hour

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