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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Features Of George W. Bush Presidential Library

The technologically advanced and highly interactive George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum will open to the public on May 1 in Dallas. Here are some of the notable features of the museum:

  • Interactive world map that lets visitors create their own Axis of Evil
  • Visitors can ride the fun Approval Rating Slide all the way from Bush’s first year in office down to the last
  • Exhibition of the best Bush effigies from all around the world
  • Entire wing devoted to quick, effective federal response to Tropical Storm Arlene
  • Tastefully done oil-on-canvas painting of a nude Laura Bush
  • Free “Museum Accomplished” button handed out to all visitors after making their way through just the first of 25 rooms of the museum
  • A replica of Saddam’s nuclear warheads
  • Building’s total area is 800 square feet

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