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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Features Of George W. Bush Presidential Library

The technologically advanced and highly interactive George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum will open to the public on May 1 in Dallas. Here are some of the notable features of the museum:

  • Interactive world map that lets visitors create their own Axis of Evil
  • Visitors can ride the fun Approval Rating Slide all the way from Bush’s first year in office down to the last
  • Exhibition of the best Bush effigies from all around the world
  • Entire wing devoted to quick, effective federal response to Tropical Storm Arlene
  • Tastefully done oil-on-canvas painting of a nude Laura Bush
  • Free “Museum Accomplished” button handed out to all visitors after making their way through just the first of 25 rooms of the museum
  • A replica of Saddam’s nuclear warheads
  • Building’s total area is 800 square feet

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