Features Of LeBron James' New Shoe

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 36

Area Woman Dumped On 15-Week Anniversary

TACOMA, WA—Insult compounded romantic injury Saturday when local boyfriend Charles Pond not only broke up with Karen Brunhoff, the woman he has dated since last spring, but reportedly “had the nerve” to dump her on the couple’s 15-...

New Zipcarp Service Offers Short-Term Carp Rentals

BOSTON—Announcing its plan to offer short-term, affordable carp rentals for urbanites and college students who don’t own a carp of their own, Zipcarp Inc. launched a brand-new fish-sharing service earlier this month.

NFL On Fox

Fox 12:00 p.m. EDT/11:00 a.m. CDT In the empty, darkened studio, Terry Bradshaw waits quietly for someone to josh with.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Features Of LeBron James' New Shoe

With Nike set to release its new LeBron X sneaker this fall, the alleged $315 retail price of the shoe’s premium version has caused quite a stir. Onion Sports examines some of the basketball shoe’s innovative features.

  • Logo features a foot, symbolizing the nature of the product
  • Design comes from mockup LeBron personally pointed to on piece of paper
  • 20 percent more squeak on all surfaces
  • Special sensor blasts air horn anytime someone says the word “basketball”
  • Nothing that hasn’t been run past Dwyane Wade first
  • Only the strongest, most experienced child laborers used to ensure quality
  • Like Air Jordans, only bigger and more annoying
  • LeBron James’ signature printed across each shoe 78 times
  • Each pair comes with super uncomfortable and ugly Chris Bosh shoe for free
  • Comes with built-in lesson to never spend $300 on a fucking pair of shoes again

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More