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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Features Of LeBron James' New Shoe

With Nike set to release its new LeBron X sneaker this fall, the alleged $315 retail price of the shoe’s premium version has caused quite a stir. Onion Sports examines some of the basketball shoe’s innovative features.

  • Logo features a foot, symbolizing the nature of the product
  • Design comes from mockup LeBron personally pointed to on piece of paper
  • 20 percent more squeak on all surfaces
  • Special sensor blasts air horn anytime someone says the word “basketball”
  • Nothing that hasn’t been run past Dwyane Wade first
  • Only the strongest, most experienced child laborers used to ensure quality
  • Like Air Jordans, only bigger and more annoying
  • LeBron James’ signature printed across each shoe 78 times
  • Each pair comes with super uncomfortable and ugly Chris Bosh shoe for free
  • Comes with built-in lesson to never spend $300 on a fucking pair of shoes again

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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