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Features Of LeBron James' New Shoe

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Features Of LeBron James' New Shoe

With Nike set to release its new LeBron X sneaker this fall, the alleged $315 retail price of the shoe’s premium version has caused quite a stir. Onion Sports examines some of the basketball shoe’s innovative features.

  • Logo features a foot, symbolizing the nature of the product
  • Design comes from mockup LeBron personally pointed to on piece of paper
  • 20 percent more squeak on all surfaces
  • Special sensor blasts air horn anytime someone says the word “basketball”
  • Nothing that hasn’t been run past Dwyane Wade first
  • Only the strongest, most experienced child laborers used to ensure quality
  • Like Air Jordans, only bigger and more annoying
  • LeBron James’ signature printed across each shoe 78 times
  • Each pair comes with super uncomfortable and ugly Chris Bosh shoe for free
  • Comes with built-in lesson to never spend $300 on a fucking pair of shoes again

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