Features Of ‘Madden 25’

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Vol 49 Issue 35

Tough Season - Preview

Tough Season returns with a gritty, hard-hitting look inside the fantasy football locker room of Brad’s Awesome Team.

The Case For And Against Intervening In Syria

While the Obama administration has been considering an armed intervention in Syria following the gassing deaths of hundreds of Syrian civilians, a vocal movement in Congress and among the general public has emerged in opposition of any U.S.

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff

The Syria conflict intensifies as bears enter the war, a report shows that millions of courageous Americans are overcoming the media pressure to be thin, and the nation’s single men announce a plan to change their bedsheets by 2019.

50% Of Americans Oppose Intervention In Syria

According to an NBC poll, 50 percent of Americans oppose the use of military force against Syria in the wake of a purported chemical weapons attack by the government of Bashar al-Assad, compared to 42 percent who support military action.
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Features Of ‘Madden 25’

With Electronic Arts releasing Madden NFL 25 this week, Onion Sports examines the new and innovative features of the popular football video game series.

  • Over 30 new running moves that you’ll never figure out how to use
  • Four-player cooperative mode lets each user control one of quarterback’s limbs
  • Comes preloaded with 15 NFL franchises; other 17 available for purchase at just $4.99 per team
  • Controller rumbles every time a player thinks about suicide
  • Credits featuring full bios of entire software development team are displayed before every game
  • Gorier finishing moves
  • More realistic goatee on Carolina Panthers assistant strength and conditioning coach Jason Benguche
  • Injured players can now be seen on the sidelines denying that they’re experiencing concussion-like symptoms
  • All your favorite Jacksonville Jaguars
  • Return of highly popular feature from last year’s game that allows players to punch and kick Jay Cutler repeatedly after a sack
  • Expanded Create-A-Player features 10 post-career seasons where players must navigate the pitfalls of poor investment opportunities, chronic injuries, and the NFL pension system
  • Gamers now fined $50,000 for particularly vicious hits
  • Unlimited footballs
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