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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Features Of Motorola’s New Moto X Smartphone

All right, so, The Onion would like to sincerely apologize for not putting together this infographic about the new Moto X smartphone, since we frankly did not expect anyone to actually click on it. This post seemed like a good idea when originally conceived, but when it came down to actually doing research and then writing and editing the post, it just didn’t seem like a wise use of company time and resources. Ultimately, we felt that no one would really want to read about the Moto X—after all, this is not a new iPhone or a product with a comparable sense of global anticipation. There are high expectations for web traffic here at The Onion, and, to be completely honest, this hasn’t been the best traffic week (or month, for that matter), so we decided to devote our efforts to posts we thought would actually be viewed by readers. Now, you might be asking yourself why we would even publish the article at all if we knew no one was going to click on it, and that’s a reasonable question. A totally reasonable question. Unfortunately, we just don’t have a good answer to that question right now. Things are pretty confusing around here.

Anyway, should you still want to read about the Moto X, we suggest following this link to the tech blog TechCrunch, which will in all likelihood have some sort of comprehensive breakdown of this new Motorola mobile device: http://techcrunch.com

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