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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Features Of The Lower-Cost iPhone 5C

In addition to unveiling the new flagship iPhone at a press event Wednesday, Apple CEO Tim Cook debuted a more affordable version of the device called the iPhone 5C, which is clad in a plastic casing and is available in a variety of colors. Here are some notable features of the budget-friendly iPhone:

  • Small enough to fit comfortably in users’ cheeks or to tuck between their lower lips and gums
  • Haggard-sounding Siri
  • Interior-facing camera
  • Includes extended seven-minute version of classic Marimba ringtone
  • Coin slot
  • Slick, oily screen
  • Must be plugged in at all times
  • Smells like a delicious wafer cookie
  • Sturdy enough to lay down on paper and use edge to draw straight lines
  • Built-in whistle
  • Steve Jobs’ posthumous disapproval
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