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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Features Of The New espnW.com

Women make up a quarter of the ESPN audience, and now the network has just soft-launched a new website for female sports fans. Here are some of the planned features:

  • Highlights that feature an explanation of the rules, what's happening, and who everyone is
  • Bill Simmons' column will run utterly unchanged
  • Team-by-team sensitivity ratings
  • Supportive code keeps the site from bouncing up and down as it scrolls
  • Pretty much the exact same amount of Tom Brady coverage
  • Message boards where a bunch of chicks can dyke it out like crazy
  • Community feature where site users can discuss goings-on, share stories, and then secretly trash on each other in private chats
  • Somewhat less male-on-male eroticism

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