Features Of The New NASCAR Hall Of Fame

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 19

Nuggets Tell Dying George Karl They Made NBA Finals

DENVER—During a visit to his coach's deathbed at Denver Presbyterian Hospital on Wednesday, Nuggets All-Star Carmelo Anthony told a barely conscious, cancer-ridden George Karl that their team, which was eliminated during the first round...

Dallas Braden

A few weeks after becoming embroiled in a mound-crossing feud with Alex Rodriguez, Braden pitched the 19th perfect game in MLB history. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Features Of The New NASCAR Hall Of Fame

More than 60 years after the founding of NASCAR, stock-car racing has opened a $200 million Hall of Fame in Charlotte, NC. Here's what fans can expect:

  • All museum employees required to say "Vroom!" when walking past guests
  • Section featuring a man in a racing suit constantly running around on fire
  • The Mangle-Matic, a machine that shows visitors what they might look like if they were involved in a 200 mph crash
  • Inclined turns to prevent visitors from careening into the exhibits
  • Historical exhibit featuring NASCAR's 40 most famous skid marks
  • Membership can be paid for in aluminum cans
  • The Jiffy Lube Interactive Pit Crew Experience, in which patrons probably won't realize they're actually putting in a one-hour shift at a Charlotte-area Jiffy Lube
  • Restrictor plate prevents the entire building from traveling 200 mph
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More