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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Features Of The Xbox One

  • Windows XP operating system
  • Will offer new titles in such popular Xbox series as Ace Combat, Kane & Lynch, Crash
  • Time, and Call of Juarez
  • Xbox Hat—Say the words “Xbox Hat” out loud and a large image of a hat will appear on your TV screen
  • 92-Core x500 P2W (G4-Jig system), 2F3 DLX silver frame technology, 2/5/5/MP2s zoomnet capability, Zip control (TV/satellite/laptop), 3.1.8 optical input-output, 34V-876-ZZB, custom 2x cross-memory feedback, DVD
  • Ability to capture live game play, edit it, and send it to your pathetic friends
  • 500 GB of added system memory you can buy separately for more fucking money
  • Color green probably in there somewhere
  • Kinect motion sensor capable of responding to what you consider movement
  • Preloaded with episodes of Get Smart
  • Gumball dispenser
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