adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Fewer Young Americans Marrying

According to the Population Reference Bureau, the proportion of Americans age 25 to 34 who have never been married went up from 35 percent to 46 percent between 2000 and 2009. Here are some of the reasons young people are no longer marrying:

  • Perfect church to get married in completely booked up until 2018
  • Roommates not cool with adding wife to the mix
  • All the good ideas for wedding-based viral videos have been taken
  • Every single remaining young person unattractive
  • Can still fuck, cook meals, and watch movies together without a piece of paper
  • Fear of spending, on average, $19,581 on something that has a 52 percent chance of failure
  • Jeremy
  • Only videographer in town also ex-girlfriend
  • More fun to wait until 35 or older, when procreating becomes a thrilling gamble

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close