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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Fifty Years Of Space Exploration

This month marks the 50th anniversary of the launching of Sputnik, the earth's first artificial satellite. What are the highlights of these first 50 years of space exploration?

1961: Alan Shepard is chosen to pilot Freedom 7, leading to protests among more qualified and experienced chimpanzee astronauts

1964: Sun officially determined to be really, really hot

1969: First moon walk followed by first refreshing moon nap

1971: Halfway back to Earth, the crew of Apollo 15 turn the spacecraft around after realizing they left lunar module pilot James Irwin on the moon

1985: Birth of first person to whom walking on moon

doesn't seem absolutely unbelievable

2001: Space tourist Dennis Tito returns from orbit smelling a little different and spooking the regulars at the diner

2005: International Space Station gets a flat screen

2007: NASA researchers discover that everything we ever wanted was here on Earth all along

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