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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Florida Legalizes Taking Guns To Work

Florida legislators passed a bill allowing citizens to bring their guns to work. Here are some of the other pro-gun laws enacted recently.

Alaska—Members of endangered species now permitted to carry concealed firearms for self-protection

Louisiana—Now legal for residents to shoot at hurricanes

Minnesota—Any resident may fire a single shot every five years, or when Vikings win

Idaho—You can have a gun, or a grenade, but not both

Virginia—Non-gun-owning residents must apply for a permit to not own and operate a firearm

New York—Guest stars on Law & Order may bring their own guns to the set

Kansas—Children as young as 8 can bring guns to school on the condition that there's no funny business

Texas—That huge cattle gun used by Javier Bardem's character in No Country For Old Men now legally available at Fiesta Mart grocery stores

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