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Politics

Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Florida Legalizes Taking Guns To Work

Florida legislators passed a bill allowing citizens to bring their guns to work. Here are some of the other pro-gun laws enacted recently.

Alaska—Members of endangered species now permitted to carry concealed firearms for self-protection

Louisiana—Now legal for residents to shoot at hurricanes

Minnesota—Any resident may fire a single shot every five years, or when Vikings win

Idaho—You can have a gun, or a grenade, but not both

Virginia—Non-gun-owning residents must apply for a permit to not own and operate a firearm

New York—Guest stars on Law & Order may bring their own guns to the set

Kansas—Children as young as 8 can bring guns to school on the condition that there's no funny business

Texas—That huge cattle gun used by Javier Bardem's character in No Country For Old Men now legally available at Fiesta Mart grocery stores

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