ALDERSON, WVAuthorities at Alderson Federal Prison have detained Becki Uecker, Martha Stewart's personal assistant, for smuggling a cake-decorating kit to her boss in an almond three-layer cake with lemon-zest icing. "Ms. Uecker attempted to pass a Dessert Decorator Pro to Ms. Stewart during visiting hours," corrections officer Frank Wickler said. "Although this device may be perfect for making stars, leaves, and rosettes, it's considered contraband at a correctional facility." In addition to the frosting gun, the kit included six nickel-plated tips, two tip couplers, and a storage bag.
DETROITThe Detroit Tourism Board is scaling back the city-sponsored "Hidden Detroit" program following the deaths of 24 tourists in the past month, city officials announced Monday. "The campaign did draw tourists to historically significant places that usually go unnoticed, like the rough-and-tumble honky-tonks of Ypsilanti and the site of the 1967 riots," tourism board director Lauren Essleman said. "But ultimately, unfolding the free 'Detroit Off The Beaten Path' maps in the middle of the Purple Gang's old turf was not a good idea." Essleman said that, in addition to the 24 tourists, the program resulted in the loss of more than 60 vehicles.
NEW YORKStock analysts on Wall Street fled in terror after being spooked by the rare but deadly boar market that reared its head at closing bell Monday. "I have no idea what to expect," stock analyst Christopher Mattson said. "This market is highly unpredictabletusked and savage and covered with coarse, bristly hair. I didn't know if I should buy, sell, or shoot." Mattson said he hopes stocks will soon perform again like they did two weeks ago, when brokers were soothed by the graceful movements of a swan market.
SAN FRANCISCOAlthough Jennie Wick, 23, cannot make sense of the dream she had Monday evening, its meaning is clear to everyone else, sources reported. "I'm in this waiting room, and I'm screaming at this man dressed all in white who can't hear me," said Wick, who is dating and financially supporting a University of California medical student. "Then, we're at the vending machine, and every time I buy a candy bar, he grabs it. What's up with that?" Wick also failed to grasp what it meant when the man began to have sex with her best friend.
AMES, IAThe Oct. 22 office going-away party for Karl Roberts, manager for the past five years at Ames Farm Products Wholesalers, Inc., was "a little too jubilant," the 38-year-old former boss reported Monday.
MIAMI, FLWith the knowledge that the minority vote will be crucial in the upcoming presidential election, Republican Party officials are urging blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities to make their presence felt at the polls on Wednesday, Nov. 3.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
CINCINNATI—Unaware that it will soon be regarded by his managers as an unnecessary drain on the company’s bottom line, local software engineer Rob Lofland reportedly celebrated a raise Thursday that his employer will eventually use to justify firing him.
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...