adBlockCheck

Food Shortage Nearing Crisis

Top Headlines

International

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Food Shortage Nearing Crisis

As certain dietary staples are becoming more scarce, food riots are becoming increasingly common around the world. What are the factors behind the food shortage?

Popularity of Food Network has increased global awareness of eating

China's enormous workforce going out for lunch more and more

Buying the jumbo tub of Cheese Balls, realizing cannot finish the jumbo tub of Cheese Balls, throwing away rest of jumbo tub of Cheese Balls

Rice is a hot commodity after street vendors discovered that the value of one grain increases 4,000 percent if you write someone's name on it and turn it into jewelry

NASA's development of the ethanol-fueled space shuttle has required 79 percent of U.S. corn supply

Vast majority of the Earth's population is too busy lately to get to the grocery store

Paving over fields with concrete so tractors can travel faster not working out as well as expected

Not sure—seems like there's plenty of food

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close