Food Shortage Nearing Crisis

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ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.

A Timeline Of U.S.–Cuba Relations

As President Obama visits Cuba in an effort to restore diplomatic ties with the U.S., The Onion looks at pivotal moments in the tension-filled history of U.S.–Cuba relations.

Vatican City Residents Rally To Save St. Peter’s Basilica From Development

VATICAN CITY—Citing its historical significance and the valuable role it plays in the community, residents of Vatican City rallied this week to save St. Peter’s Basilica from being demolished as part of a development project that would convert the site into an expansive residential and retail complex, sources reported.

Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.
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Food Shortage Nearing Crisis

As certain dietary staples are becoming more scarce, food riots are becoming increasingly common around the world. What are the factors behind the food shortage?

Popularity of Food Network has increased global awareness of eating

China's enormous workforce going out for lunch more and more

Buying the jumbo tub of Cheese Balls, realizing cannot finish the jumbo tub of Cheese Balls, throwing away rest of jumbo tub of Cheese Balls

Rice is a hot commodity after street vendors discovered that the value of one grain increases 4,000 percent if you write someone's name on it and turn it into jewelry

NASA's development of the ethanol-fueled space shuttle has required 79 percent of U.S. corn supply

Vast majority of the Earth's population is too busy lately to get to the grocery store

Paving over fields with concrete so tractors can travel faster not working out as well as expected

Not sure—seems like there's plenty of food

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