adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Forgotten Sports

For every international sporting league, a dozen or more once-popular sports have fallen by the wayside. Here are some of the more notable forgotten games:

  • Net Net: A confusing net-based sport that involved players throwing, catching, collecting, hitting, and wearing nets
  • Roll the Ball: A game played by the ancient Incans that was deceptively difficult, considering the ball was a boulder measuring 30 feet around and weighing 6 tons
  • Screamball: Game where Jimmy Wall and Adam Segal got real drunk one night and threw a tennis ball at each other as hard as they could
  • Gleitenkugel: An avant-sport started in Germany, 'glide ball' involved an empty white court, a ball placed directly in the center of the floor, and two teams that walked right past the ball because it was beneath them
  • Man Combat, Double Gripsman, Takedown Circle, Pontration, and Sillyball (all different variations on the same game): Two men beat the shit out of each other
  • Footbound Olympics: In 10th-century China, men would watch and laugh as their wives attempted to run the 100-meter dash
  • Axe to the Head: A popular Dark Ages game in which one man would sneak up behind another and chop off his head with an ax
  • Tennis: Two opponents stand across a court and use rackets to hit a ball back and forth over a net

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close