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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Gaffes By NFL Replacement Referees

The NFL's replacement referees are off to an inauspicious start, bumbling numerous calls while officiating the first preseason games. Onion Sports takes a look at the worst blunders.

  • Failed to penalize team for unsportsmanlike behavior after player exhibited slightest bit of emotion after touchdown
  • Awarded a bronze medal to Algeria
  • Forgot to collect scorecards from the players as they left the field
  • Took the Hall of Fame Game seriously like a bunch of goddamn maniacs
  • Showed up on field in Eli Manning replica jerseys
  • Neglecting to call any holding penalties, which, regardless of whether there’s holding, are always a real crowd pleaser
  • Ruling everything outside the hash marks out of bounds
  • Replacement referee Rick Jansen made a terrible call, according to sad, decrepit humans watching preseason football in a bar
  • Crossing a picket line, screwing over colleagues, destroying any chance of every getting into pro referee union

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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