adBlockCheck

Girl Scouts Turns 100

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Girl Scouts Turns 100

Juliette Gordon Low started the Girl Scouts of America in Savannah, GA on Mar. 12, 1912. Here are some highlights from the organization's century of providing activities and education:

  • 1918: Thousands of merit badges are awarded posthumously during the Spanish flu pandemic
  • 1925: The first females are admitted to this formerly all-male group reserved for the girliest members of the Boy Scouts
  • 1934: Rumblings of Ms. Persimmon's affections for Ms. Cartwright cause quite the stir
  • 1944: Doing their part for the war effort, Girl Scouts build 156 P-51 Mustang fighters
  • 1967: Yeast infections plummet when the organization begins teaching the front-to-back wipe method
  • 1968: In tumultuous times, Girl Scouts are dispatched to the South to pick up race-riot litter off Louisville, KY streets
  • 1984: The Girl Scouts' youngest membership group, Daisies, is created to introduce girls as young as 5 years old to the valuable life skill of leveraging their cute outward appearances to sell goods and get ahead
  • 1994: The entire 3-million-member Girl Scout organization stays up all night talking about Jonathan Taylor Thomas
  • 2011: Scout Mindy Johns wanders into the wilderness and returns with vision for new Savannah Smiles cookie

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close