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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Golf's More Obscure Rules

When Dustin Johnson grounded his club at Whistling Straits, he unknowingly took a two-stroke penalty and brought some of golf's unusual regulations into the spotlight.

  • If a player tees off from more than one club length behind the tee area, the player receives a one-stroke penalty and has to forfeit his car to the state
  • A three-shot penalty will be issued to anyone caught enjoying themselves
  • A ball at rest should not be disturbed, as it is sleeping
  • Players must finally give up search for ball after 72 hours
  • If a player is caught beating his wife or kids with his golf clubs, he takes a two-stroke penalty
  • Partners may share clubs, but not during the same swing
  • Your little sister gets to pick the red ball if you got to play with the red ball last time
  • Putter may be used like a pool cue to crack up other golfers only once per round; after that the joke gets old and the player should come up with something else
  • Players will be disqualified for using full-sized pencil on scorecard

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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