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A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Goodell's Toughest Rulings

The frequency and severity of his punishments have earned NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a reputation as a strict disciplinarian. We look at some of the most notable.

  • Punished the Patriots for the Spygate scandal with fines, lost draft picks, and two mandated humiliating Super Bowl losses to Eli Manning
  • Poisoned Sean Payton and hid the antidote in a copy of the NFL rulebook to ensure future compliance
  • Handed down a posthumous lifetime ban to Junior Seau for violating the league's firearms policy
  • Randomly fined the Colts $10,000,000 to teach them a lesson about the cruel unpredictability of fate
  • Amid growing public outcry and criticism, fined Bears WR Earl Bennett and vowed to rid football of colored shoes
  • Suspended himself without pay for a day after eating a slice of chocolate cake that was sinfully delicious
  • Has suspended several players for steroid abuse, but this isn't baseball, so who cares

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