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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Goodell's Toughest Rulings

The frequency and severity of his punishments have earned NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a reputation as a strict disciplinarian. We look at some of the most notable.

  • Punished the Patriots for the Spygate scandal with fines, lost draft picks, and two mandated humiliating Super Bowl losses to Eli Manning
  • Poisoned Sean Payton and hid the antidote in a copy of the NFL rulebook to ensure future compliance
  • Handed down a posthumous lifetime ban to Junior Seau for violating the league's firearms policy
  • Randomly fined the Colts $10,000,000 to teach them a lesson about the cruel unpredictability of fate
  • Amid growing public outcry and criticism, fined Bears WR Earl Bennett and vowed to rid football of colored shoes
  • Suspended himself without pay for a day after eating a slice of chocolate cake that was sinfully delicious
  • Has suspended several players for steroid abuse, but this isn't baseball, so who cares
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