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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores

The latest installment of Rockstar Games' popular Grand Theft Auto franchise hit stores this week. What are some of the new features?

Special cheat code allows players to experience legal consequences of their actions

One of the game's sponsors is Jergens, so your character suffers from dry skin and must remember to always keep his hands moist

Every other mission is to kill a congressman who condemned the game's three previous versions

After 10 hours of continuous game play, a subliminal message flashes on the screen telling you to try playing the game in real life

You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade

Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders

Elfin magic users now have access to Potion Shoppe

You can steal cars

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