Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores

The latest installment of Rockstar Games' popular Grand Theft Auto franchise hit stores this week. What are some of the new features?

Special cheat code allows players to experience legal consequences of their actions

One of the game's sponsors is Jergens, so your character suffers from dry skin and must remember to always keep his hands moist

Every other mission is to kill a congressman who condemned the game's three previous versions

After 10 hours of continuous game play, a subliminal message flashes on the screen telling you to try playing the game in real life

You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade

Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders

Elfin magic users now have access to Potion Shoppe

You can steal cars