Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores

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Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

FAIRFAX, VA—Eyeing the staff member with wariness and confusion, customers at the Fair City Mall Best Buy location confirmed Wednesday that one of the store’s employees was, for some reason, wearing a black shirt rather than a blue one like the rest of his coworkers.

Nobel Peace Prize Candidates

There are 273 candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, the second-highest number of nominees ever, and the laureate(s) will be announced Friday before the prize ceremony in December. Here are some notable candidates for this year’s award:
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College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.

Grand Theft Auto IV Hits Stores

The latest installment of Rockstar Games' popular Grand Theft Auto franchise hit stores this week. What are some of the new features?

Special cheat code allows players to experience legal consequences of their actions

One of the game's sponsors is Jergens, so your character suffers from dry skin and must remember to always keep his hands moist

Every other mission is to kill a congressman who condemned the game's three previous versions

After 10 hours of continuous game play, a subliminal message flashes on the screen telling you to try playing the game in real life

You have the choice to stay in Liberty City or drive to the suburbs of New Jersey, where you can earn a degree or learn a trade

Though it doesn't affect the game at all, your character is severely afraid of spiders

Elfin magic users now have access to Potion Shoppe

You can steal cars