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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Great Boston Marathon Moments

Robert K. Cheruiyot set the new course record in this year's Boston Marathon, adding yet another chapter to the legend of this great road race.

  • 1897: In what is seen as the seminal moment of the modern Boston Marathon, everyone just quits at mile 26.2
  • 1903: Marathon winner John Lorden sets a new course record with a time of 12 days, 21 hours, and 42 seconds
  • 1911: 73-year-old Brian Turner becomes the first runner to annoy everyone by making a big show of running the marathon at an older age
  • 1958: First year without drunk participants
  • 1988: Ibrahim Hussein becomes the first Kenyan to win the marathon; until this point, Kenyans sucked at the Boston Marathon
  • 2002: The idiot participant dressed as a colonial soldier is unfortunately not the one to die
  • 2006: Got to hand it to your annoying-as-hell coworker, she ran the thing
  • 2009: Peter Crowley, 52, continues the century-long tradition of at least one Boston resident using a racial epithet to describe that year's race winner

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