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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Great Career Comebacks

With Manny Ramirez attempting to return to the MLB at 41 years old, Onion Sports provides a guide to athletic competitors with the most amazing career comebacks.

  • Hank Aaron: After hitting into a double play in his first Major League at-bat, Aaron managed to turn his career around and hit 755 home runs in the subsequent 12,363 at-bats
  • Tiger Woods: Led all athletes in career comebacks in the past five years, averaging 4.6 comebacks per year
  • Lance Armstrong: Faced with a dim cancer prognosis, Armstrong managed to persevere and win a remarkable zero Tour de France titles
  • Josh Hamilton: For years, one of baseball’s most fearsome power hitters languished in an endless cycle of drugs and despair. But today, Josh Hamilton is clean and sober, and he’s proven that you don’t need a Louisville Slugger to hit addiction out of the park.
  • Michael Jordan: After spending a year playing minor league baseball, Jordan returned to the NBA in spectacular fashion, making his number 45 Bulls jersey the most recognizable in the sports world
  • Roger Federer: The 22-year-old remarkably won his first Grand Slam title at Wimbledon, having not played tennis since the age of 14
  • Muhammad Ali: Nearly four years into his suspension from boxing due to his refusal to fight in the Vietnam War, the legendary boxer was reinstated and given the opportunity to get his ass kicked by Joe Frazier
  • Monica Seles: After being stabbed during a match by a deranged fan, Seles went on to survive 15 more on-court stabbings when she returned to tennis two years later
  • Tommy John: The Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher faced a devastating injury that would have forced his premature retirement had doctors not successfully performed a revolutionary surgery in which the elbow ligament is replaced by the forearm tendons of as many as 20 infant children
  • Mario Lemieux: Made his highly anticipated return to the NHL after a three-year absence to fulfill his desire to play five more seasons without winning the Stanley Cup
  • Roger Clemens: Experienced an inspiring late-career renaissance after his body suddenly and inexplicably grew to five times its original size

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