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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Great Cinderella Stories From The Annals Of Sports

This year's NCAA Final Four is without a doubt an all-powerhouse spectacle featuring four highly seeded teams, but it leaves fans without an overachieving George Mason, Milwaukee, or Butler to root for. To compensate, Onion Sports looks back at sports' greatest Cinderella stories:

1979, 1982, 1985, 1990: Rocky wins

2004: After their unbelievable go-from-ahead loss to the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees add to their storied history by becoming the first baseball team ever to lose a playoff series after winning the first three games

2006: The Team USA basketball team goes from being absolutely terrible in the Athens Summer Olympics to being not really all that terrible in the World Championships

1997: Forgetting that it does in fact happen every year, thousands of Americans are surprised and delighted when a female basketball team wins the NCAA tournament

1995: Fans storm the field and celebrate long into the night when, in one of the most unlikely moments in team history, the Kansas City Royals win their first game of the season

2004: With a $127 million payroll, four potential Hall Of Famers, a dominant starting rotation, and one of the most feared lineups in baseball, the Boston Red Sox overcome insurmountable odds to win the World Series

1990: While mourning the loss of Phil Simms to injury, Giants coach Bill Parcells finds a single cleat on the Meadowlands turf and sets out at once to travel the land, trying it on the foot of every quarterback he can find; upon discovering the cleat fits handsome young Jeff Hostetler, Parcells marries him in a magical ceremony at an enchanted palace and they go on to win Super Bowl XXV 20-19

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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