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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Great Cinderella Stories From The Annals Of Sports

This year's NCAA Final Four is without a doubt an all-powerhouse spectacle featuring four highly seeded teams, but it leaves fans without an overachieving George Mason, Milwaukee, or Butler to root for. To compensate, Onion Sports looks back at sports' greatest Cinderella stories:

1979, 1982, 1985, 1990: Rocky wins

2004: After their unbelievable go-from-ahead loss to the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees add to their storied history by becoming the first baseball team ever to lose a playoff series after winning the first three games

2006: The Team USA basketball team goes from being absolutely terrible in the Athens Summer Olympics to being not really all that terrible in the World Championships

1997: Forgetting that it does in fact happen every year, thousands of Americans are surprised and delighted when a female basketball team wins the NCAA tournament

1995: Fans storm the field and celebrate long into the night when, in one of the most unlikely moments in team history, the Kansas City Royals win their first game of the season

2004: With a $127 million payroll, four potential Hall Of Famers, a dominant starting rotation, and one of the most feared lineups in baseball, the Boston Red Sox overcome insurmountable odds to win the World Series

1990: While mourning the loss of Phil Simms to injury, Giants coach Bill Parcells finds a single cleat on the Meadowlands turf and sets out at once to travel the land, trying it on the foot of every quarterback he can find; upon discovering the cleat fits handsome young Jeff Hostetler, Parcells marries him in a magical ceremony at an enchanted palace and they go on to win Super Bowl XXV 20-19

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