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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Great College Football Traditions

College football is as much about pageantry and fan involvement as it is about the game. Onion Sports takes a look at some of college football's great traditions:

University of Kentucky: Fans show up at the stadium a little while before the game

UConn: Just moments prior to each contest, it is traditional for specially selected UConn players to participate in the fabled "coin toss"

Texas A&M: In a tradition called "yell practice," the student populace is re-taught how to spell the word "defense" in an exhaustive two-hour pregame ritual

Iowa: Fans all wear black or yellow sweatpants

Opponents of Clemson: Each night before visiting teams face Clemson, they perform the traditional custom of urinating all over Howard Rock

Michigan State: Entire student body comes down onto the field after every game and runs in circles until they collapse from dizziness

Princeton: On the morning before every game, hordes of Tiger fans gather together to close their eyes tightly and imagine what it must have been like to win the first national championship

Stanford: Cardinal fans are too smart to believe they can affect the outcome of the game, so they do not do anything

Michigan: A new tradition this year, students, players, and fans will surely be pumped seeing former coach Bo Schembechler's skull mounted above the home team's sideline

Notre Dame: As they leave the locker room, players reverently touch a sign reading "Act Like A Smug Arrogant Bastard Despite Playing For A Drastically Overrated Team That Isn't Even Ranked In The Top 25 Today"

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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