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Great Comebacks From Injury

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Details Of Dream House Getting Much Less Specific With Each New Place Found In Price Range

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Great Comebacks From Injury

Tiger Woods recently returned from knee surgery and resumed his domination of golf by beating Sean O'Hair at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. Here are some other injured athletes who have refused to lay down and die:

Willis Reed: Many attribute the Knicks' Game 7 win over the Lakers in 1970 to the distracting ripping sounds made by Reed's thigh muscle as it slowly tore in half from top to bottom

Michael Jordan: In the famous "Flu Game" of the 1997 finals, an ailing Jordan was able to score 38 points because no one on the Jazz wanted an NBA title enough to risk catching the flu

Kirk Gibson: In his only at bat of the 1988 World Series, Gibson won Game 1 for the Dodgers despite being no more than a quivering blob of boneless flesh

Mark Prior: After missing the first three months of the 2006 season with a strained shoulder, Prior was able to fight back to the majors and strain his left oblique hard enough to miss the rest of the season

Dan Marino: In 1993, Marino tore his Achilles tendon and came back the next year to play one of his best seasons statistically and once more not win a Super Bowl

Takeru Kobayashi: Once overcame an acute case of nausea to eat 58 bratwurst

Lance Armstrong: Armstrong not only came back from the loss of a testicle to win seven Tours de France, but actually turned the condition to his advantage in the arena of being able to enjoy Sheryl Crow albums

Joe Theismann: Just one year after a Lawrence Taylor hit gave him a compound leg fracture, Theismann proved his doubters and naysayers wrong by successfully putting on a pair of pants

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