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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Great Comebacks From Injury

Tiger Woods recently returned from knee surgery and resumed his domination of golf by beating Sean O'Hair at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. Here are some other injured athletes who have refused to lay down and die:

Willis Reed: Many attribute the Knicks' Game 7 win over the Lakers in 1970 to the distracting ripping sounds made by Reed's thigh muscle as it slowly tore in half from top to bottom

Michael Jordan: In the famous "Flu Game" of the 1997 finals, an ailing Jordan was able to score 38 points because no one on the Jazz wanted an NBA title enough to risk catching the flu

Kirk Gibson: In his only at bat of the 1988 World Series, Gibson won Game 1 for the Dodgers despite being no more than a quivering blob of boneless flesh

Mark Prior: After missing the first three months of the 2006 season with a strained shoulder, Prior was able to fight back to the majors and strain his left oblique hard enough to miss the rest of the season

Dan Marino: In 1993, Marino tore his Achilles tendon and came back the next year to play one of his best seasons statistically and once more not win a Super Bowl

Takeru Kobayashi: Once overcame an acute case of nausea to eat 58 bratwurst

Lance Armstrong: Armstrong not only came back from the loss of a testicle to win seven Tours de France, but actually turned the condition to his advantage in the arena of being able to enjoy Sheryl Crow albums

Joe Theismann: Just one year after a Lawrence Taylor hit gave him a compound leg fracture, Theismann proved his doubters and naysayers wrong by successfully putting on a pair of pants

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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