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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Great Father-Son Moments In Sports

Sports fans were deeply moved by Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s Father's Day victory in the NASCAR LifeLock 400. Onion Sports takes the opportunity to remember other great moments between men and their boys:

1988: For the first time in what is now a weekly tradition, Cecil Fielder takes his 4-year-old son Prince out for ribs at a local Damon's Bar and Grill

1989: Mike Tyson finally reconnects with his father and shows him how hard he's worked over the years by throwing a haymaker into the man's right temple

1991: While playing for the same team, Ken Griffey Jr. and Ken Griffey Sr. decide to pull their hamstrings together

1992: Though it seems innocuous at the time, a Kenny Lofton at-bat against Nolan Ryan marks the first time the father-son combination face each other

1993: Archie Manning drives his youngest son Eli to be the best by hugging Peyton over and over, ignoring Eli's existence

1994: On a cool San Francisco evening, Bobby and Barry Bonds spend hours catching fly balls and taking swings and then cap it off with a big, old-fashioned shot of steroids

1999: Muhammad Ali attends his son Laila's first boxing match

2001: Formula One world champion, Champ Car series winner, Indianapolis 500 winner, and Daytona 500 winner Mario Andretti beams with pride as his son, Michael Andretti, finally learns to drive stick without stalling his IndyCar

2008: Dan Marino proudly watches as his son Joey follows in his footsteps by never winning a Super Bowl

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