adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
End Of Section
  • More News

Great Home Run Derby Moments

The Home Run Derby has become almost as compelling as the All-Star game itself. We look back on how this came to be so.

  • 1985: MLB Commissioner Peter Ueberroth bets a drinking buddy he can get idiot fans to pay to see eight guys take batting practice for a couple hours
  • 1991: Cal Ripken, Jr. slugs a then-record 12 home runs in one round to capture the…wait. Oh, God, Cal couldn't have done steroids, too, could he have?
  • 1996: Fan Richard McCarthy catches every home run hit into stands
  • 1999: Mark McGwire hits a ball through the Green Monster
  • 2003: Albert Pujols does a 360 while jumping over a car, hits the pitch through his legs, and then swish: nothing but bleachers
  • 2005: Bobby Abreu breaks the record with 41 utterances of the word “home run” during his post-Derby interview
  • 2007: Unable to pace himself, Alex Rios wastes all of his home runs in one swing, blasting a 8,653-foot bomb

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close