Great Home Run Derby Moments

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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Great Home Run Derby Moments

The Home Run Derby has become almost as compelling as the All-Star game itself. We look back on how this came to be so.

  • 1985: MLB Commissioner Peter Ueberroth bets a drinking buddy he can get idiot fans to pay to see eight guys take batting practice for a couple hours
  • 1991: Cal Ripken, Jr. slugs a then-record 12 home runs in one round to capture the…wait. Oh, God, Cal couldn't have done steroids, too, could he have?
  • 1996: Fan Richard McCarthy catches every home run hit into stands
  • 1999: Mark McGwire hits a ball through the Green Monster
  • 2003: Albert Pujols does a 360 while jumping over a car, hits the pitch through his legs, and then swish: nothing but bleachers
  • 2005: Bobby Abreu breaks the record with 41 utterances of the word “home run” during his post-Derby interview
  • 2007: Unable to pace himself, Alex Rios wastes all of his home runs in one swing, blasting a 8,653-foot bomb


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