adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Great Moments In Electric Football History

Norman Sas, the inventor of Electric Football, has passed away at 87, leaving behind a legacy of buzzing, spinning, nostalgic football simulation. Onion Sports looks at the greatest milestones in the game he created

  • 1948: Sas designs the frustratingly shaky and uncontrolled movements of Electric Football players to provide the perfect foreshadowing of post-NFL life for most actual players
  • 1958: 14-year-old Jason Goldberg is the first to discover that it feels good to rub up against the field while it's vibrating, leading to a revolution in game strategy
  • 1968: Three different Electric Football players shatter the record for total passes completed in a single game, with two
  • 1977: A skateboarding Snoopy becomes the first McDonald's toy to start for an Electric Football team
  • 1981: Grandma plays for five minutes
  • 1987: First confirmed intentional touchdown
  • 2011: Brian Callahan, 12, finds his dad’s Electric Football game in the attic and spends three hours trying to get the confusing, chaotic old hunk of junk to work correctly before realizing it's actually in mint condition and functioning perfectly
  • 1949-2012: Randomly moving plastic toy football players teach millions of children a valuable lesson about the futility of trying to control one's fate in a constantly shifting universe

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close