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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Great Moments In Electric Football History

Norman Sas, the inventor of Electric Football, has passed away at 87, leaving behind a legacy of buzzing, spinning, nostalgic football simulation. Onion Sports looks at the greatest milestones in the game he created

  • 1948: Sas designs the frustratingly shaky and uncontrolled movements of Electric Football players to provide the perfect foreshadowing of post-NFL life for most actual players
  • 1958: 14-year-old Jason Goldberg is the first to discover that it feels good to rub up against the field while it's vibrating, leading to a revolution in game strategy
  • 1968: Three different Electric Football players shatter the record for total passes completed in a single game, with two
  • 1977: A skateboarding Snoopy becomes the first McDonald's toy to start for an Electric Football team
  • 1981: Grandma plays for five minutes
  • 1987: First confirmed intentional touchdown
  • 2011: Brian Callahan, 12, finds his dad’s Electric Football game in the attic and spends three hours trying to get the confusing, chaotic old hunk of junk to work correctly before realizing it's actually in mint condition and functioning perfectly
  • 1949-2012: Randomly moving plastic toy football players teach millions of children a valuable lesson about the futility of trying to control one's fate in a constantly shifting universe

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