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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Great Moments In NFL Combine History

With the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine underway, Onion Sports examines the most astonishing accomplishments throughout the history of the annual talent showcase.

  • 1984: Future Falcons defensive end Rick Bryan blows away coaches by proving he can sprint at full speed, make difficult catches, and block linemen twice his size, all without his cigarette ever going out
  • 1984: While attempting to bench-press 225 pounds, Boomer Esiason shits himself in front of everybody
  • 1996: Nebraska standout Lawrence Phillips impresses Rams scouts in his interview, promising them that he’d never assault multiple women, regularly storm out of practice, get convicted on multiple criminal charges including assault with a deadly weapon, assault with great bodily injury, false imprisonment, criminal threats, and auto theft, as well as insisting that he wouldn’t wind up in prison until at least 57 if they would take a chance on him with the sixth pick
  • 1998: Somehow, no one is looking at the field when Ryan Leaf underthrows his receiver by 40 yards during passing drill
  • 2002: Highly touted QB prospect David Carr impresses Texans scouts by bringing his own football
  • 2003: Entire draft class starts intentionally underperforming whenever Bengals scouts walk by
  • 2006: Mario Williams jumps an astounding 40.5-inch vertical after getting spooked by a towel that kind of looked like a snake
  • 2007: Raiders scouts watch quarterback JaMarcus Russell exhibit extraordinary athletic ability during every drill and assume his attitude is probably just as great too
  • 2010: League replaces difficult Wonderlic test with Wooden Block Mix-’Em-Up Challenge
  • 2011: Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III completes the 40-yard dash in an astonishing 4.41 seconds while carrying the weight of an entire NFL franchise on his back

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