Great Moments In NFL Combine History

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Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Great Moments In NFL Combine History

With the 2013 NFL Scouting Combine underway, Onion Sports examines the most astonishing accomplishments throughout the history of the annual talent showcase.

  • 1984: Future Falcons defensive end Rick Bryan blows away coaches by proving he can sprint at full speed, make difficult catches, and block linemen twice his size, all without his cigarette ever going out
  • 1984: While attempting to bench-press 225 pounds, Boomer Esiason shits himself in front of everybody
  • 1996: Nebraska standout Lawrence Phillips impresses Rams scouts in his interview, promising them that he’d never assault multiple women, regularly storm out of practice, get convicted on multiple criminal charges including assault with a deadly weapon, assault with great bodily injury, false imprisonment, criminal threats, and auto theft, as well as insisting that he wouldn’t wind up in prison until at least 57 if they would take a chance on him with the sixth pick
  • 1998: Somehow, no one is looking at the field when Ryan Leaf underthrows his receiver by 40 yards during passing drill
  • 2002: Highly touted QB prospect David Carr impresses Texans scouts by bringing his own football
  • 2003: Entire draft class starts intentionally underperforming whenever Bengals scouts walk by
  • 2006: Mario Williams jumps an astounding 40.5-inch vertical after getting spooked by a towel that kind of looked like a snake
  • 2007: Raiders scouts watch quarterback JaMarcus Russell exhibit extraordinary athletic ability during every drill and assume his attitude is probably just as great too
  • 2010: League replaces difficult Wonderlic test with Wooden Block Mix-’Em-Up Challenge
  • 2011: Baylor quarterback Robert Griffin III completes the 40-yard dash in an astonishing 4.41 seconds while carrying the weight of an entire NFL franchise on his back


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