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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Great Moments In Pre-Super Bowl Hype

The two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl have devolved into a festival of hype as reporters cast about for any story they can find. Some of the most notable:

1972: Analysts spend several days speculating about what would happen if the Cowboys' Tom Landry coached the entire Super Bowl without his hat

1977: Free chips and salsa

1984: The entire week before Super Bowl XVIII is dedicated to the roman numeral "V," which celebrates its last appearance in the big game for six years

1995: John Madden is shot out of a cannon each day until the Super Bowl arrives

1999: Chris Berman sets a record by mentioning the Super Bowl 12 times in one sentence

2003: Festivities are cut short when Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden's face suddenly contorts into a spastic scowl, but alert emergency workers manage to rush to his side and cut away his blood-restricting visor

2006: After telling his story for the millionth time, Jerome Bettis finally breaks down and admits both that he's not from Detroit, and that he actually won a couple of Super Bowls back in the '90s that he just never told anyone about

2009: The media desperately tries to bill Super Bowl XLIII as Ken Whisenhunt going up against the team that killed his wife and children

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