Great Moments In Randy Moss' Career

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Vol 46 Issue 44

NBA Announces Plans To Play Game In London In Swimming Pool

NEW YORK—As part of a continuing effort to expand the NBA into international markets, Commissioner David Stern announced Wednesday that the New Jersey Nets and Toronto Raptors would play the league’s first regular season game in London in a sw...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

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Great Moments In Randy Moss' Career

Randy Moss became a Titan this week following yet another unusual incident in a career that's been full of them. For example:

  • 1992: In just one day, gifted high school sophomore Moss letters in football, baseball, basketball, and track, and is subsequently kicked off all those teams
  • 1995: Does the only thing you really can do as a redshirt freshman: smoke marijuana
  • 1995: Sets a bad tone for his football career by officially being too fucked up even to play for Florida State
  • 1998: Commissioner Tagliabue says, "Christ, are we really letting this guy into the league?" before announcing that the Vikings have drafted Moss
  • 2005: Moss joins the Oakland Raiders, which is the only logical thing that has ever happened in the history of both Moss and the Oakland Raiders
  • 2005: Even though he was no longer with the team, you know he had something to do with the Vikings' sex boat incident
  • 2007: Moss signs with the Patriots, saying, "I think Bill Belichick is the kind of coach who can motivate me, but I don't really know, because I don't know what that is even like"
  • 2008: Forms Randy Moss Motorsports, a NASCAR Truck Series team infamous for not driving good routes and giving up on the race if they are beaten off the line
  • 2010: After the Vikings cut Moss, the 0-7 Bills decide not to claim Moss off waivers in an effort to prevent their season from getting any worse
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