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Great Moments In Randy Moss' Career

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Great Moments In Randy Moss' Career

Randy Moss became a Titan this week following yet another unusual incident in a career that's been full of them. For example:

  • 1992: In just one day, gifted high school sophomore Moss letters in football, baseball, basketball, and track, and is subsequently kicked off all those teams
  • 1995: Does the only thing you really can do as a redshirt freshman: smoke marijuana
  • 1995: Sets a bad tone for his football career by officially being too fucked up even to play for Florida State
  • 1998: Commissioner Tagliabue says, "Christ, are we really letting this guy into the league?" before announcing that the Vikings have drafted Moss
  • 2005: Moss joins the Oakland Raiders, which is the only logical thing that has ever happened in the history of both Moss and the Oakland Raiders
  • 2005: Even though he was no longer with the team, you know he had something to do with the Vikings' sex boat incident
  • 2007: Moss signs with the Patriots, saying, "I think Bill Belichick is the kind of coach who can motivate me, but I don't really know, because I don't know what that is even like"
  • 2008: Forms Randy Moss Motorsports, a NASCAR Truck Series team infamous for not driving good routes and giving up on the race if they are beaten off the line
  • 2010: After the Vikings cut Moss, the 0-7 Bills decide not to claim Moss off waivers in an effort to prevent their season from getting any worse

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