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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Great Moments In The Lakers-Celtics Rivalry

The 2010 NBA Finals will feature the most storied rivalry in professional basketball. We take look at everything these legendary teams have shared.

  • 1959: The Celtics quickly win the series in four games after the shy Lakers mill around the basket and refuse to leave their side of the court
  • 1962: Setting an NBA Finals record that still stands, Celtics center Bill Russell grabs 40 rebounds in the opening game of the series while missing on 40 consecutive scoring attempts
  • 1968: The rivalry heats up and the Lakers put forth their best effort in years thanks to a team loaded with undercover FBI agents monitoring the Black Panthers' influence in the NBA
  • 1969: The Celtics beat the Lakers for the seventh time in seven NBA championship meetings, causing many to wonder if this is actually a "rivalry" or more of a "situation in which one team beats another team over and over and over again"
  • 1984: The NBA finally sheds its image as a league of black drug addicts as Larry Bird leads the Celtics to victory, establishing the NBA as a league of creepy-looking chinless ground-bound drips
  • 1987: Larry Bird momentarily forgets about the rivalry, dishing the ball to an open Magic Johnson, fiercely guarding Kevin McHale, and repeatedly elbowing Robert Parish in the head
  • 1988: Lakers forward James Worthy scores 36 points, 10 assists, and 16 rebounds in Game 7 of the Finals against the Detroit Pistons, so never mind

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