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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Great Moments In The Lakers-Celtics Rivalry

The 2010 NBA Finals will feature the most storied rivalry in professional basketball. We take look at everything these legendary teams have shared.

  • 1959: The Celtics quickly win the series in four games after the shy Lakers mill around the basket and refuse to leave their side of the court
  • 1962: Setting an NBA Finals record that still stands, Celtics center Bill Russell grabs 40 rebounds in the opening game of the series while missing on 40 consecutive scoring attempts
  • 1968: The rivalry heats up and the Lakers put forth their best effort in years thanks to a team loaded with undercover FBI agents monitoring the Black Panthers' influence in the NBA
  • 1969: The Celtics beat the Lakers for the seventh time in seven NBA championship meetings, causing many to wonder if this is actually a "rivalry" or more of a "situation in which one team beats another team over and over and over again"
  • 1984: The NBA finally sheds its image as a league of black drug addicts as Larry Bird leads the Celtics to victory, establishing the NBA as a league of creepy-looking chinless ground-bound drips
  • 1987: Larry Bird momentarily forgets about the rivalry, dishing the ball to an open Magic Johnson, fiercely guarding Kevin McHale, and repeatedly elbowing Robert Parish in the head
  • 1988: Lakers forward James Worthy scores 36 points, 10 assists, and 16 rebounds in Game 7 of the Finals against the Detroit Pistons, so never mind

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