adBlockCheck

Sports

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Great Olympic Moments From The Lesser-Known Sports

Some of the greatest achievements in Beijing didn't happen on the track or in the pool. Onion Sports looks at notable stories from the less popular events:

China wins gold medals in every table tennis event at the breathtaking $120 million Basement Stadium

Dressage rider Anky van Grunsven and her horse Salinero earn the gold medal by winning over judges with an old-school hip-hop breakdancing routine

An epic nail-biting triple-overtime gold-medal game is halted with the score tied at 15 all as the British men's handball team and the Brazilian men's volleyball team finally realize their mistake

Tragedy strikes during the 20 km race walk when Portugal's Susana Feitor strolls out of control, crashes into a wall, and bursts into flames

Predictably, U.S. women once again sweep the 100 Ways To Please Your Man event

Sailing gold medalist Tom Ashley catches a big gust and accidentally circumnavigates the globe

112-year-old coach Busby Berkeley leads the United States to another flawless synchronized swimming routine

The Romanian rowing team's coxswain, upset with a mistimed stroke, gets up from his trireme's stroke drum and whips the rear bowside to death

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close