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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Great Players' Worst Games

Even the great ones have off days, as Tom Brady found out against the Bills. Onion Sports lists the worst games of the very best.

  • Michael Jordan: Baseball
  • Tom Brady: Tried to play through a nasty virus that makes your arm throw a bunch of interceptions
  • Arnold Palmer: Took him a whole 284 shots to get his first Masters win
  • Warren Moon: Fumbled a record five times in one game, a performance so bad the Houston Oilers don't even exist anymore
  • Willis Reed: In biggest game of his life, only scored two baskets, then went ahead and acted like he did something special anyway
  • Brett Favre: That playoff game where he threw a game-ending interception
  • Muhammad Ali: During the famous Rumble in the Jungle, Ali seemed to let George Foreman beat the living hell out of him for some reason

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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