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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Great Recent Stories From Less-Popular Sports

Not every sport is as renowned as baseball or as popular as soccer, but every sport has its great moments. Onion Sports recaps some of the best recent stories from some less-popular sports:

The normally bucolic game of cricket is suddenly thrust into the forefront of international affairs when Julia Roberts is spotted in the stands at a game

Every single girl on a U.S. high-school wrestling team gets a write-up in their local paper

In an effort to increase fan interest in their sport, the World Chess Federation introduces a series of exciting new rules changes, including the removal of two entire rows to speed up matches, and allowing pawns to move an unlimited amount of spaces in any direction

The women's college field-hockey championship game is called off when someone hits the ball into the woods and no one can find it

A woman bowler participates in a Men's PBA Tour event, and infuriates them by tossing the ball haphazardly onto the alley, letting it roll slowly down the middle of the lane with just enough force to knock all the pins over, then acting like she never got a strike before, 13 times in a row

Following their Davis Cup victory, the tennis world is disturbed when doubles partners/brothers Mike and Bob Bryan engage in a long, passionate kiss

The International Archery Federation reports that deaths among competitors' children are reduced by 89% when they drop their sponsorship deal with a major apple-growing conglomerate

In a quiet but significant triumph for everyone who values sports, wakeboarding just sort of disappears

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