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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Greatest Barrier Breakers In Sports

With Missouri defensive end Michael Sam becoming the first openly gay NFL prospect this week, Onion Sports examines athletes who have broken down the biggest barriers in sports.

  • Jackie Robinson: Became the first Dodger second baseman to win the MVP award in 1949
  • Kate Barber: In 1987, she became the NBA’s first female cheerleader
  • Alex Rodriguez: The first and only MLB player to take steroids
  • Jason Collins: Showed that a gay man could appear in the news cycle for a few days before never being heard from again
  • Flying Ebony: By winning the 1925 Kentucky Derby, at last prevailed against the rampant discrimination that has historically faced black horses
  • Mike Trout: With his upcoming announcement on February 17, the Los Angeles Angels star will become a major trailblazer for gay players in not only Major League Baseball, but all American sports leagues
  • Pete Carroll: Bravely defied narrow-minded regulations saying a coach can’t offer gifts to recruiting prospects
  • Danica Patrick: TBD
  • James Naismith: In 1891, became the first lifeform on earth to play basketball since the forgotten Tô-Uktül civilization in 26 million B.C.
  • Renee Richards: Made huge strides in transsexual rights after winning the right to play tennis as a woman, ultimately inspiring thousands of other men to have sexual reassignment surgery in order to gain an unfair advantage just as critics had predicted
  • Metta World Peace: Broke down barrier separating players from fans in order to punch fan

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