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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Greatest Coaching Accomplishments In Sports History

With Erik Spoelstra leading the Miami Heat to a second straight NBA championship, Onion Sports examines the most astounding coaching accomplishments in the history of athletic competition.

  • 1955: New York Giants defensive coordinator Tom Landry murders a drifter and takes his hat
  • 1967: Bill Belichick gets his start with a breakthrough performance as an acting coach and technical advisor on Rosemary’s Baby
  • 1968: While serving as assistant coach for the Cincinnati Bengals, Bill Walsh invents the highly influential “West Coast offense” when he tells the players to assemble at the line of scrimmage horizontally instead of vertically
  • 1991: Chicago Bulls coach Phil Jackson somehow turns a bumbling, unathletic Michael Jordan into an NBA Finals MVP
  • 1993: After losing to the Cowboys 52-17 in Super Bowl XXVII, Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy manages to get all the way to the tunnel before bursting into tears
  • 1998: Montgomery High School hitting coach Tom Baldwin advises junior varsity third baseman Jeremy Silva to choke up on his bat a little more, and, wouldn’t you know it, he goes right out there and hits a double
  • 2004-2007: New York Yankees manager Joe Torre resists the urge to throttle Alex Rodriguez
  • 2011: After more than 60 years coaching the Nittany Lions, Joe Paterno departs Penn State, his legacy secure
  • 2012-2013: Erik Spoelstra remembers to start LeBron James in every game

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