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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Greatest Coaching Accomplishments In Sports History

With Erik Spoelstra leading the Miami Heat to a second straight NBA championship, Onion Sports examines the most astounding coaching accomplishments in the history of athletic competition.

  • 1955: New York Giants defensive coordinator Tom Landry murders a drifter and takes his hat
  • 1967: Bill Belichick gets his start with a breakthrough performance as an acting coach and technical advisor on Rosemary’s Baby
  • 1968: While serving as assistant coach for the Cincinnati Bengals, Bill Walsh invents the highly influential “West Coast offense” when he tells the players to assemble at the line of scrimmage horizontally instead of vertically
  • 1991: Chicago Bulls coach Phil Jackson somehow turns a bumbling, unathletic Michael Jordan into an NBA Finals MVP
  • 1993: After losing to the Cowboys 52-17 in Super Bowl XXVII, Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy manages to get all the way to the tunnel before bursting into tears
  • 1998: Montgomery High School hitting coach Tom Baldwin advises junior varsity third baseman Jeremy Silva to choke up on his bat a little more, and, wouldn’t you know it, he goes right out there and hits a double
  • 2004-2007: New York Yankees manager Joe Torre resists the urge to throttle Alex Rodriguez
  • 2011: After more than 60 years coaching the Nittany Lions, Joe Paterno departs Penn State, his legacy secure
  • 2012-2013: Erik Spoelstra remembers to start LeBron James in every game

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