Greatest-Ever Olympic Moments

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Greatest-Ever Olympic Moments

With the opening of the XXIX Summer Olympiad in Beijing, Onion Sports looks back on moments from the past that passed forever into legend:

490 B.C.: Pheidippides completes the first-ever marathon and incites centuries of Olympic challengers when he says "Beat that" as he drops dead on the ground

1936: Jessie Owens wins four gold medals at Hitler's Berlin Olympics, crediting his fantastic performance to something deep inside telling him to run like hell

1960: Ethiopian Abebe Bikila manages to win a gold in the marathon despite being barefoot, showing up a half-hour late, and having never run before in his life

1968: Though silver medalist Peter Norman sympathizes with Tommie Smith and John Carlos, he knows he'd look like an idiot if he joined in their black power salute

1972: Assassinations aside, not a bad Olympics

1984: Mary Lou Retton performs her entire gymnastics routine while on the cover of a box of Wheaties

1988: The Seoul Olympic opening ceremonies are quickly recognized as the best in history when they end in under 20 minutes

1992: When his hamstring snaps halfway through the 400 meter semifinal, Derek Redmond is helped across the finish line by his father, a majestic human image which, if you don't weep every time you see it, means you're a heartless asshole who should just die right now for all you're worth

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