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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Greatest Individual Super Bowl Performances

1967: Packers receiver Max McGee plays the entire Super Bowl, catching seven passes for 138 yards and two touchdowns despite being even drunker than the rest of the Packers

1975: Fran Tarkenton leads the Vikings to a 16-6 defeat in Super Bowl IX, notable considering what a worthless franchise the Vikings are

1982: Dwight Clark makes that catch in the corner of the end zone that ESPN shows all the time…. Wait, that wasn't the Super Bowl

1984: Marcus Allen gains 191 yards in 20 carries against the Redskins and still finds the energy to bring Al Davis' wife to screaming, rippling, trainer's-table-drenching orgasm three times during halftime

1987: Phil Simms completes 88 percent of his passes, including 11 in a row, in perhaps the greatest Super Bowl performance to still be really boring

1990: Jerry Rice catches 698 passes for 35,700 yards and 136 touchdowns

1997: Desmond Howard returns two kicks for touchdowns despite making the Heisman pose after each step

2006: Ben Roethlisberger throws nine more completions than anyone thought possible

2007: Prince

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