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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Greatest Individual Super Bowl Performances

1967: Packers receiver Max McGee plays the entire Super Bowl, catching seven passes for 138 yards and two touchdowns despite being even drunker than the rest of the Packers

1975: Fran Tarkenton leads the Vikings to a 16-6 defeat in Super Bowl IX, notable considering what a worthless franchise the Vikings are

1982: Dwight Clark makes that catch in the corner of the end zone that ESPN shows all the time…. Wait, that wasn't the Super Bowl

1984: Marcus Allen gains 191 yards in 20 carries against the Redskins and still finds the energy to bring Al Davis' wife to screaming, rippling, trainer's-table-drenching orgasm three times during halftime

1987: Phil Simms completes 88 percent of his passes, including 11 in a row, in perhaps the greatest Super Bowl performance to still be really boring

1990: Jerry Rice catches 698 passes for 35,700 yards and 136 touchdowns

1997: Desmond Howard returns two kicks for touchdowns despite making the Heisman pose after each step

2006: Ben Roethlisberger throws nine more completions than anyone thought possible

2007: Prince

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