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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Greatest Masters Moments Of All Time

With the 2013 Masters underway, Onion Sports examines the most impressive feats in the history of the prestigious golf tournament.

  • 1934: Horton Smith becomes the first white man to win the prestigious golf tournament
  • 1960: Needing to birdie the final two holes to overtake the leader, Arnold Palmer succeeds in his quest to ensure no one will ever remember the name Ken Venturi
  • 1971: Charles Coody becomes the worst golfer ever to win the Masters, a record that stands to this day
  • 1986: “Quiet Please” sign holder Nick Potter keeps a raucous crowd at bay long enough for Nick Faldo to two-putt for par
  • 1988: CBS announcer Jim Nantz famously remarks that he would rather be watching any sport besides golf
  • 1996: Following a massive collapse that lost him the tournament title, Greg Norman correctly stated, “This is the only thing I’m ever going to be known for, isn’t it?”
  • 1999: John Daly breaks an Augusta National record by smoking an entire carton of cigarettes on the back nine
  • 2000: Sergio Garcia winds up and fucking hammers the ball, like, 400 yards
  • 2004: After years of failed attempts, Phil Mickelson finally proves that anything is possible if you have strong corporate sponsorships and close-to-unlimited chances
  • 2005: Tiger Woods’ chip shot at 16 lingers on the lip for eight minutes before he reluctantly taps in for par
  • 2012: A guy named Bubba wins

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