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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Greatest Moments In Slam-Dunk Contest History

The NBA Slam-Dunk Contest is the most popular part of All-Star weekend, outshining the game itself, and for good reason. Onion Sports looks back at the athletic aerial display's most timeless moments:

1976: The very first slam-dunk contest is won by Kentucky Colonels center Artis Gilmore, who electrifies the crowd by making airborne love to one cheerleader from each ABA team en route to a windmill slam

1988: The greatest slam-dunk rivalry of all time reaches its apex when Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins are unable to agree whether "slam dunk" is one word or two

1994: A mysterious man named Isaiah Rider appears out of nowhere, wins the slam-dunk contest with an amazing backboard-level between-the-legs dunk, and then disappears, never to be seen again

1996: With a single foul-line dunk, Brent Barry breaks the foul-line-dunk color barrier

1997: Air Bud stuns the crowd by dunking with his hind legs

1999: As there was no contest this year due to the lockout, commissioner David Stern awards himself the title

2000: The judges award the trophy to Vince Carter after the unfortunate young man gets his elbow caught in the rim

2002: A touching 9/11 tribute goes horribly wrong when Desmond Mason slips while attempting an Airplane Slam and crashes directly into "Twin Towers" Shawn Bradley and Rashard Lewis

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