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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Greatest Moments In Stanley Cup Finals History

With the Stanley Cup Finals underway, Onion Sports examines highlights from the 120-year-old NHL championship series.

  • 1893: A combined 458 spectators turn out to witness the Stanley Cup Finals in its first year, a record that stands to this day
  • 1950: The Red Wings defeat the Rangers in a Game 7 double-overtime thriller, disappointing hockey fans who resent wealthy Detroit spending lavishly on players unattainable by teams in smaller, poorer markets like New York City
  • 1970: After scoring the game-winning goal in the deciding game of the Stanley Cup, Boston Bruins defenseman Bobby Orr frustrates his competitors and teammates alike by forcing them to repeatedly pose for a perfect photo to commemorate the event
  • 1981: Though outscored 4-3 by the Flyers in Game 7, the Oilers take the game and the Cup in a controversial split decision from the judges
  • 1992: The Penguins win and leading goal scorer Mario Lemieux is crowned Lord Stanley for a second consecutive year
  • 1994: Suffering from a 54-year Stanley Cup drought, the Rangers become the first team in New York sports history to be somewhat palatable championship winners
  • 2001: After a 21-year career and over 1,800 games in the NHL, Ray Bourque finally lifts the Stanley Cup trophy for the first time and suddenly realizes he pretty much wasted his entire life
  • 2008: First televised Stanley Cup Finals
  • 2011: The Boston Bruins take off their helmets after their Game 7 win to reveal that they are all beautiful blonde women, forever ensuring gender equality in hockey

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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