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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Greatest Moments Of Tony La Russa's Career

After winning his third World Series, Cardinals manager Tony La Russa has announced his retirement. We look back on a career that encompassed the steroid era, the moneyball craze, and a lot of irascibility.

  • 1991: Tony La Russa Baseball video game receives critical acclaim for its authentic simulation of standing in a dugout while displaying no emotion
  • 1992: Master strategist La Russa sets an MLB record by having nine consecutive A’s pitchers throw only one pitch before taking them out
  • 1995: Achieves enough confidence as a manager to no longer feel stupid wearing a full baseball uniform and a jacket at the same time
  • 1998: Aids Mark McGwire's run to 62 homers by looking other way while force-feeding him andro supplements
  • 2005: In proudest moment of his life, somehow avoids subpoena from Congress during steroid investigation
  • 2006: The Cardinals drastically improve once La Russa’s doctors tell him he’s too old to run onto the field between every pitch and physically adjust everyone’s position
  • 2007: Gets arrested for DUI to show players he's still cool and relatable
  • 2008: Stays up all night laughing maniacally after devising a batting lineup of all pitchers

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