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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Greatest Regular Seasons In Sports

With the Packers enjoying a spectacular 2011 run, Onion Sports looks at some of the most remarkable regular seasons in sporting history:

  • 1880 Chicago White Stockings: Compiled the best regular-season winning percentage in major-league history, which is especially remarkable when you consider baseball bats weren’t invented until 1890
  • 1976 Indiana Basketball: Upon securing an undefeated regular season, head coach Bobby Knight raised both arms, prompting his entire team to flinch and cower in fear
  • 1993 Davey Allison: Led the Winston Cup Series in points for much of the season and only died once
  • 1999 D.C. United: High-octane striking attack led team to score league-record three goals over the course of the season
  • 2004 Nashville Predators: Hockey season completely canceled due to lockout
  • 2003-04 Atlanta Hawks: Only went 28-54, but did manage to trade away Rasheed Wallace
  • 2007 New England Patriots: As a reward for finishing the regular season 16-0, Bill Belichick let his players have the Super Bowl off
  • 49 College Football Teams Since 1970: Achieved the hallowed, prestigious status of an undefeated college football season. Truly remarkable

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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